Doctor: «This medicine is from insomnia, this one is from nervous break-down, and also take this one from depression». Patient: «Thank you very much, doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides vodka?»

real loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night long but you dont get understood

A clear conscience is a sign of poor memory.

Physical education gets the life five years longer , but you must spend those five years in the gym.

the difference between Installation and Performance: "If you shat on the threshold in front of the door, ring the doorbell and run away, this is an installation. If you ring the doorbell first and then shat on the doorstep, it's a performance."

Delusions of grandeur do not require grandeur. Delusions is enough..

A pedestrian is always right. When alive..

You don't sleep all day, you don't eat all night, of course you get tired...

Alcohol in small doses is harmless in any quantity.

One awkward move, and you're the father.

My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&M’s and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Okay, okay! I take it back. Unfuck you!